Monday, December 24, 2012

Days Twenty and Twenty One... Stop Lying to Yourself and Let Go of the Past

I have a hard time letting go. No, not forgiving. Just letting go. I hate giving away or letting go of things that were given to me... even when I really don't want them anymore. Shoes, purses, clothes, knick knacks, and, yes, even hearts. Over the years, I've collected quite a few and, as terrible as it is to admit, I used to collect them. Not in a some sick way, but I could never quite let go.

I like to keep in touch with everyone, even my ex boyfriends if we ended our relationship amicably. Yes, that's right. I knew what was going on in the lives of all of my exes. Ok, ok... I only have three, but I know who their new girlfriends are, if things were working out, how many promotions they'd had, what they bought their mothers for Mother's Day, etc. etc. After all, they were my boyFRIEND. I reasoned with myself that we were, at one point, friends, so there was nothing wrong or weird about me maintaining a platonic relationship with them.

Although, technically, there isn't anything wrong with it, the real question here is "Why on earth was I keeping up with their lives? Every time I spoke to one of them, I was comparing the person in my life to them when, obviously, they were my EX for a reason. No wonder I kept getting the same kind of man. Funny how we tend to forget the reasons for our breakup in the first place over time. I could hardly move on with my own life for the sake of keeping up with theirs, and therein lies the problem.

How can you expect to move forward if you keep reliving and revisiting your past? You can't dwell on the past or you may miss the miracle of today. Now, everyday won't be a piece of cake. Sometimes, things will happen that will trigger the rewind button and make you encounter a blast from the past. I know because, today, I had a setback of my own.

Today, I saw a picture of my ex and his family. Not that I have to substantiate my actions, but I no longer keep up with him or his life, but his sister and I have so much love between us that I can not even imagine not having her in my life. It was through her Facebook page that I inadvertently saw a photograph of him. Now, seeing a picture of him does nothing to me, but when I saw the person with him in the picture, I almost had a conniption. I wasn't emotional, but I was upset. And I had to ask myself, what is it that I am really holding on to?

Thus the second part of the lesson... STOP LYING TO YOURSELF! Actually, I had to stop lying to myself. I had to come to terms with the fact that I'm being selfish. I don't even want this person in my life, but I wanted him to be as miserable as he made me. I wasn't jealous, I was angry that I'd allowed so many years of my life to be anchored to insecurities that he'd ushered in. While he was moving on with his life, I was still angry. Not only that, how can I say I've truly forgiven him and his actions if I really secretly harbor resentment and want him to suffer?

Instead of worrying about what's going on in his life, I need to focus on making my own life and happiness a priority. I need to focus on the things in my life that I can change, as opposed to things that are completely out of my control. More importantly, I need to be completely honest with myself about how I feel, why I feel those ways, and what I want. If you don't feel comfortable being honest to yourself, surely someone who has just met you and doesn't know you will be uncomfortable being honest with you also.

Being a DIVA means that you are on top of your game. Life is about growing and changing. Although I am here giving pointers to you, I'm still growing and evolving as a woman myself. Just as I took a situation from today and looked at it as an opportunity to continue to evolve and mold myself and my frame of mind, you too should look for opportunities to give yourself a reality check. Take a vow to stop lying to yourself today and let go of your past. Rebuild your life, starting with today! Be honest with yourself about where you came from, where you are and where you want to go. Keep looking for opportunities to grow, get and stay on top of your game. Keep living your life, DIVA style!
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