The Start of My Happily Ever After...

So, who is this Diva??? Let's see... where to start!

I'm a simple woman that grew up in the big city with my mom, dad and three sisters. We lived in a two-story house with a dog, a cat and a guinea pig. I was prom queen and went on to marry my high school sweetheart. We have 2 kids and live in a big house on the coast... NOT!

It's a long story, how I ended up living by myself (completely by choice) in an apartment in Southern California. A far stretch from where I thought I'd be at this age. From the outside looking in, it may seem that I've had a picturesque life, but the reality is that my life has been far from perfect. I'm an all or nothing kind of woman. It’s a common theme in my life and, although my story might not match up with your's, I encourage you to look at the similarities and not judge me or focus on the differences.


I grew up in Palmdale, CA. I can't remember much of the first few years of my life, but I specifically remember my father baking my sisters and me cookies. I remember my sister and I laying on his chest for our naps. And sadly, I remember crying at night and telling my mother and grandmother that "nobody yuvs me", which easily translates in English into "nobody loves me". 

The reason these are all sad memories for me is because my father was gone from my life shortly after my third birthday. My mother, a relentless, driven fighter- the woman that taught me the importance of an education and working hard for what I want in life- raised my two sisters, my cousin and me as a single parent. She was and always will be my real life Superwoman. Though we don't see eye to eye on occasion, I couldn't imagine my life without her.

Ok, ok... Back to the story of me. So, there we all are... five women. The Brady Bunch without the Brady. We lived in Palmdale, CA and my mother worked for Walt Disney Studio's main office in Burbank, CA. Everyday from three until nine years of age, we drove from Palmdale, CA to Altadena, CA. My mother worked two, sometimes three jobs so that she could send us to private school and my grandparents, who helped to take care of us, would watch over us during the times when my mother couldn't. They did a wonderful job, I might say.

Between the age of nine and twelve, I was being regularly molested by a family member. It greatly affected how I viewed myself. I was broken, confused, angry and frustrated. I didn't know how to look at myself anymore. But I still excelled in school. Learning and studying provided me a needed outlet. Where my self esteem and confidence had been stripped away, my mind was one thing that could never be taken away. And it provided me with an opportunity to get some positive attention- attention that didn't surround my sexuality. 

But it didn't fill the void in my heart, didn't make me feel like I was loved and it didn't teach me how to love myself. In hindsight, I do believe that was the biggest problem I've had throughout the course of my life. I didn't know how to love myself, which became painstakingly obvious as I entered my late teens and began dating. I fell for one good man when I was fifteen going on sixteen. He's still a great friend of mine today. But, for reason that still seem most ridiculous to me today, we broke up.

I started dating another young man and, at the time, he appeared to be my night in shining armor. I absolutely adored him and his family, especially his little sister. We were Bonnie and Clyde, Sunny and Cher. Wherever he went, I followed. If there was something I needed, he made sure I got it. Life was grand!

And then I woke up. I can't speak for the man he is today, only the man I knew back then. A cruel, brutal, physically and emotionally abusive man. What started off as him raising his voice at me led to a one-sided argument and quickly escalated. He didn't care where he hit me or how bad he hurt me. Drag me by hair and pull me up the stairs. Punch me in my stomach or kick me in my ribs. It didn't matter to him, as long as I could put on makeup and go to work the next day.

My fear made him feel big and important. He did everything he could to crush me, and he failed. I never did anything back to him. Never sought to get even and many people never understood why. In fact, I prayed for him. I never wanted to look back on my life, as I'm sure he does, and not be able to look at the person staring back at me. Vengeance belongs to God and punishment from him certainly supersedes anything I could ever do. 

For every night that he came home and terrorized me, bullied me, beat me for being 20 minutes late or burning a taco shell or just because someone had upset him during the course of the day... I want to thank him. He became my biggest motivation to succeed. And he helped me to find the depths of my own strength in a time and place when my family and friends were convinced I had fallen into the depths of insanity. I learned then and there that I am a stronger woman than I had ever given myself credit for.

When we finally split, though I had this newfound sense of strength and independence, I struggled with feelings of worthlessness. Having someone tell you everyday that you're worthless, unattractive and no one will ever love you affects your psyche. For the next couple of years, I made mistake after mistake on my road to love myself. Got married... got divorced just about a year later. Found a high paying job... left a high paying job.

But they've truly been the best years of my life because, for the first time, I realized that you can't love someone else until you really love yourself. It's been a learning process for me. For the first time, I actually love myself and I have never been happier. 

Now, I'm not perfect. It's taken quite a bit for me to get to where I am. The most important thing is that I wouldn't trade any of these experiences in for the world. All of these experiences made me the woman I am today. All of these experiences give me a testimony because it is God that brought me through all of those trying times. 

Most importantly, all of the experiences I've been through have provided me an opportunity to speak to women from my heart. I know what it is like to lose yourself in an ocean of emotions and feelings of worthlessness. I know what it is like to not know how to love yourself. I know what it's like to look in the mirror and wonder why someone who claims to loves you would want to hurt you. I know what it's like to feel like no one could possibly understand how you feel. And I know what it takes to get back to solid ground after feeling like your life has been turned upside down.

Through the love and support provided by God and my loving family, I've been able to pick myself back up and I'm on cloud nine. Now, everything I do, every decision I make, I consult with God first. I am who I am despite all of the trials and tribulations that life has thrown my way. I am a DIVA!