In every relationship that I've been in, I've wondered if I was good enough. The men I was getting involved with were always trying to change me. Instead of focusing on what I want, what I like about myself, and how I'd like to grow as a woman, I was always thinking about what other people thought about me. I never felt like I was good enough. Am I too emotional? Am I skinny enough? Am I too skinny? Am I too mean? Am I nice enough? Should I leave my hair long? Should I cut it?
I often write poetry which revolves around my feelings at that time, and I literally got depressed reading over the things I'd wrote in the past. Pitiful, really. Why would I allow what other people thought about me affect me so much? If we're all entitled to our own opinions, and I certainly have many opinions of my own, why should I care about what anyone else thinks of me?
I spend so much time showing the people I love how much I love them and trying to make myself everything they think I should be and everything they could ever want, that I often lose myself. Yes, it's important to consider others' feelings, but not at the expense of your own feelings and sanity. I forgot how to love and appreciate me. No wonder the men I got involved with and people I was surrounding myself with didn't appreciate or love me the for who I am!
I came to the realization a couple of years ago that I no longer care about what people think of me... within reason, of course. If someone doesn't like my hair the way it is, however it might be, too bad for them! If someone thinks I need to gain or lose weight, who cares! If you don't like me for who I am, exactly the way I am, then I don't need you in my life!
The most important lesson that I learned is that I can't expect anyone to love me if I don't know how to love myself. I'm not saying I never have a negative thought or don't ever want to improve myself. Everyday, I seek to become a better me. After all, if you aren't growing, you aren't living. All I'm saying is that I focus on loving myself and all of my quirks FIRST. These days, I'm loving everything about myself!
I love my hair when it's long or short.
I love my hair when it's curly or straight.
I love my sensitive ways.
I love my skinny legs.
I love my the scars and marks on my body.
I love my Ultimate Daddy's Girl ways.
I love my Big Baby attitude.
I love my nails that never grow the same length.
I love my beauty marks on my face and neck.
I love ME!